I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
