shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
