you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
