I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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