ugly people sure do ruin things
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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