oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
