I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
