you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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