When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
