You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
