; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
