I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
