its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
