Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
