Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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