Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
