I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
