Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
