can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
