Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions

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(301): View more from Maryland

he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

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(914): View more from New York

Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right

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(980): View more from North Carolina

when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.

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(562): View more from California

It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.

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(613): View more from Ontario

New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?

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(360): View more from Washington

What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.

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