I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
