you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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