If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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