Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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