She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
