My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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