Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
