At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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