How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
