this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sobbing to NWA
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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