my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
