we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
