i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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