wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
