Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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