Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
