I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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