There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
