Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
