I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
