And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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