You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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