foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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