I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
