his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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