my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
