I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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