Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
