i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
