would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
